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I left Mike for all the reasons I knew were right. I left him out of fear and I left him for sanity. I should of been living the dream, but instead we were filled with doubt, and the only thing that kept us strong was comfort. He told me I meant a lot to him. I told him that wasn’t true…

the night before I left him, he said he was indifferent about everything, from me to life. I hate indifference, I believe in love, life and happiness. Where did those values go? So I left to go find them. I told him there was nothing, and that was the only truth I had.

Since our ending, the last words floating in the air, I’ve felt better, alive, awake. Something so unbelievable, so peaceful. I hate to admit that I don’t miss him. I miss being in a relationship, the most dangerous feeling to have because it will walk me into a rebound. But I don’t miss his negativity, his logic, and his words of truth that only destruct me. What is love he once asked…

 Nothing either of us felt.

Sometimes I wonder about that, love, can we ever define it? If we can’t, why do we claim it as truth? And I know there are different levels, meanings;  the word is deep, deep like the sea. But tell me, is it right to tell someone ten years after not seeing them, that you love them? My grandmother tells me she loves me. She hasn’t spoken to me or seen me in ten years. And then, she calls, writes, and says those words. Like fake gold, it seems real, but if you look closer, it’s only lies.

I hate dishonest words, or feelings. A man I was once involved with confessed his feelings of admiration for me. He never got over me he said, I still care about him…. yet, he doesn’t go through with those words. They just pour down like rain and get washed away. Tell me one day, I’ll hear some honest words out of his mouth, maybe he’ll tell me the truth. He just likes playing games…

I hate games that people play. I hate rudeness, depression and I’m tired of racism. Just to throw a few unfortunate things I wish would disappear like the dinosaurs did.

maybe I’m just bitter like wine, but sometimes, i feel vulnerable and lost… I wish I could fly away and live among the clouds.

I need an adventure, a distraction..

early morning daze

under the western stars

It's got to be so strange to have all these people thinking that they know who you are, when they don't.