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 “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.” John 3:16

 At the bottom of my forever 21 bag the phrase “John 3:16” is placed right above the crease on both sides. I wonder how many customers of Forever 21 are aware that we are given a passage of the bible along with our purchase. If we believe in God, he will give us an eternal life; he will grant us into heaven. That is a nice thought isn’t it? If we just believe, but believing in God is not all that Religion requires from you. Each religion, western, eastern, or spiritual all request you to succomb to a certain way of living, and if you do, God will accept you. Why do I want God to accept me; is it because it sounds better than living in hell for the rest of your eternal life. I ask the question because I will also challenge God’s existence. Yes, it’s a nice solution, we all started because he created us. But is it true, we won’t know until we are dead. And if we didn’t spend our entire lives serving him, we won’t get the special treatment… so even if we don’t believe should we pretend to believe so just incase he does exist we will have eternity? And what religion is right, which gives you that eternity; christianity? Islam? Or how about Hindu?

Mike said something about me marrying him last night, in the context so he doesn’t have to keep looking…anyway, I told him he doesn’t want to marry me. He asked why, I didn’t tell him. But the reason, is religion. Mike once told me in the beginning of our relationship he couldn’t marry someone who wasn’t christian, or someone who didn’t believe in God. I am not christian. And, do I believe in God?  I don’t know, it’s a nice idea, but I doubt him.

But, can someone marry out of their religion when they meet someone that special? Will I ever be that person for him. Or should I realize this now, it may never change. It always seems like he makes comments about finding another girl, or some hint towards “this will impress the opposite sex, when I bring them over” when he talks about remolding his house. And there I am, the girl he is dating, but do all these comments really just mean he is settling right now, and until the special girl comes along, i’m just right for right now and not ms. right.

Honestly, I am far from ready to marry, granted I am still a child. But I don’t want to feel like I am not the girl of his dreams. Which he once said kind of said; he said i didn’t fit that look he thought was amazing attractive, basically I don’t look like the girl of his dreams. He says i’m attractive, i guess just not enough… which just makes me wonder, why am I staying with a guy who doesn’t think I am special? I want to be special. I want to feel loved; i don’t feel loved.

And it’s not like Mike is perfect, but to me, he’s special.

early morning daze

under the western stars

It's got to be so strange to have all these people thinking that they know who you are, when they don't.