Everclear is playing out of my stereo. currently it’s something corporate. But I haven’t listen to either of these bands in awhile. When I was sixteen my friends and I drove around curvy roads at 80mph blasting postal service and death cab for cutie. I was diagnosed depressed, and life was a downward spiral.

We were like troubled children on sitcoms, except without the dyed purple hair. But I did wear the goth attire for awhile. Life changed dramatically when high school ended and I shipped myself out to college. I moved, left everything behind to become something.

It was working, the depression left, but lately, I am having bursts of it. I did well containing it to the point of disappearing. I had bursts my freshman year of college, but no one noticed. I feel it coming on again.

Another episode of depression–another downward spiral.

This time though I don’t think I have Yemi and Samantha to pull me up and have time stand still while the world passed us by.

We were young—what we know now, I wonder if it would save us.


Mike and I got back together because I was vulnerable. I love him, but in love is a scary thing.

I feel lost right now and I am not sure what is happening, and I think that is the scariest thing.

I think I need a pretend change again because it’s the only thing I can control, as sad as that sounds. I have become dependent lost, and oh so confused, but here I am. in a downward spiral.

Maybe I need to breathe–the ocean sounds sweet.